How to open your heart to others (even if you’ve been badly hurt in the past)

Don't be afraid to open your heart

We all too often think that we should protect ourselves from the possibility of getting hurt. Most of us have been hurt in the past and a common reaction to the pain of being hurt by someone else is to close off our hearts.

We mistakenly think that closing our hearts and guarding our feelings protect us from further pain. We mistakenly think it strengthens us and gives us control over what happens to us.

The problem is the opposite happens.

A closed heart = a closed life

When you close your heart, you close yourself off not only from the world, but also from yourself. A closed heart can leave life devoid of joy, love and compassion, and possibilities. It becomes a fearful heart. It actually attracts negative situations and people, it does not avert them.

There are, of course, certain people (and situations) you should protect yourself from, but not everyone you meet. A closed heart takes a lot of (negative) energy to maintain. It’s draining. You’re constantly on guard waiting trouble, waiting for someone to try to step on your toes. Your life becomes dictated by painful past events to the detriment of your present moments.

Plus a closed heart means you treat yourself with less love, trust and compassion too. You end up being incredibly hard on yourself.

A closed heart = negative energy

A closed heart has also soaked up the bad energy from the memories you replay over and over about the betrayal or rejection or pain inflicted upon you. You literally lock that pain inside your heart, thinking you are protecting yourself when really you are hurting yourself.

The only way to solve that problem – and let go of your pain – is to open your heart.

How to open your heart

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10 powerful relationship mantras – free e-booklet

Would you like a simple technique that has the power to not only improve your relationship with your partner and loved ones, but also strengthen your self-esteem and wellbeing?

Then this free e-booklet containing 10 life-changing mantras is for you.

What is a mantra?

A mantra is a phrase or word that is repeated regularly to focus the mind. It states a belief and can be used like an affirmation – a positive, loving inner voice that helps to prevent negative self-talk.

We all have a “monkey mind” that jumps from one thought to another and sometimes feels like it’s racing at 100 mph. A mantra is a great way to calm the mind down.

An illustrated e-booklet of especially-chosen relationship mantras

In our busy lives (and monkey minds), we can often lose sight of the things that matter most – our relationships with our loved ones, and ourselves.

I wanted a simple and effective way to re-centre myself and remember how important my relationships are to me, as well as strengthen my self-esteem.

Heartfulness meditation helps me a lot, but I also wanted something I could do anywhere and quickly. So, I set about writing down and using some mantras.

The mantras in this e-booklet are my top 10 personal favourites and, in my opinion, the most powerful. They’ve made such a positive difference to my life that I’ll never stop using them.

Each of the mantras is illustrated with one of my paintings and has accompanying text explaining the mantra’s importance and relevance.

Try them for yourself and feel the difference

Mantras are meant to be used regularly in order to work best. But luckily, you can use them anywhere and they take only a little time. You don’t even need to say them aloud.

So try the 10 powerful relationship mantras for yourself and tell me what you think – just click on the box below.

Perhaps you have some favourite relationship mantras of your own? If you have, I’d love to hear from you.

PS. When you sign up for your mantras, you’ll also get 25% off your first purchase in my web shop plus a regular-ish newsletter. Your contact details will, hand on heart, always remain private and won’t be shared with anyone else. That’s a promise.

How to stop feeling like a victim in your life

victim mentality

Do you sometimes or often feel like a victim in your life? Well, you if you do, you are certainly not alone.

Feeling like a victim is all to do with our state of mind – our mentality. We think of ourselves as victims, and our thoughts become our feelings and our actions.

When you have a victim mentality you feel as though you cannot succeed no matter how hard you try and that everything and everyone is against you. Feeling like this can be very frustrating as it keeps you stuck.

You feel trapped and helpless and believe you have no control over your life. Your thinking patterns are likely to be negative and very pessimistic. There is also a strong chance that self-pity and sadness are familiar features of your life.

The “benefits” of having a victim mindset

Believe it or not, having a victim mindset is attractive to some people because they believe it holds several benefits, such as:

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How a gratitude list improves your happiness and relationships

A gratitude list increases happiness

You’ve probably heard about expressing gratitude as a part of the law of attraction. And it is certainly true that gratitude is an important part of helping us achieve what we want in life as well as gaining more happiness.

After all, how can you possibly attract success and happiness if you do not appreciate what you already have?

Too many people ignore gratitude and instead focus on what they believe they lack, labelling themselves as hard done by or unfortunate. The truth is that all of us have plenty to be grateful for, although this can be hard to think about in difficult circumstances.

An everyday reminder of gifts

Making a gratitude list is a great way to remind yourself of your many blessings. Seeing everything you are grateful for written down in a list is a very effective way to increase your levels of happiness.

Accumulating your blessings makes you realize you are lucky and the good thing about a list is that it’s portable – you can slip it into your pocket and read it whenever you need to.

Expressing gratitude is uplifting, it literally lifts our spirits and opens our hearts. You start to realize that your life contains many gifts and many wonderful people.

It is in our darkest and most difficult times that we need to think about what we are grateful for. At such times, the prospect of writing a gratitude list may seem ridiculous but this one action will be far more productive than self-pity.

How to start your gratitude list

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How social media harms your relationships

social media harms relationships

Whenever I visit family and friends in the UK, I like to do a digital detox. No internet, no social media, no emails. Bliss.

I’ve found it so beneficial that I often have a mini detox most weekends too.

My detoxes always make me realise that our digital devices can be a tad too intrusive in our lives. Sure, they can help us reach out to a massive amount of people and open up worlds of information, but they also eat into a lot of time as well. Hours can be lost on Facebook or Twitter if we’re not careful.

I know that social media helps us to connect with people, but it can also severely affect our day-to-day connection with the people closest to us.

Looking at our phones instead of talking to each other

How often have you seen people sitting at a restaurant table together or in a bar completely focused on checking their phones rather than talking to one another? How many couples feel ignored because their partners are engrossed in something on their iPad or laptop? How many of your friends on Facebook are actual friends? Probably less than half? Maybe not even that many?

Isn’t it all a bit, well, crazy?

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the internet. I love being able to easily keep in touch with my friends in other countries. I love how it helps me do my job. It offers a wealth of knowledge and information. But most technology has a down side and in the case of social media, there’s a dark side too.

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