How to open your heart to others (even if you’ve been badly hurt in the past)

Don't be afraid to open your heart

We all too often think that we should protect ourselves from the possibility of getting hurt. Most of us have been hurt in the past and a common reaction to the pain of being hurt by someone else is to close off our hearts.

We mistakenly think that closing our hearts and guarding our feelings protect us from further pain. We mistakenly think it strengthens us and gives us control over what happens to us.

The problem is the opposite happens.

A closed heart = a closed life

When you close your heart, you close yourself off not only from the world, but also from yourself. A closed heart can leave life devoid of joy, love and compassion, and possibilities. It becomes a fearful heart. It actually attracts negative situations and people, it does not avert them.

There are, of course, certain people (and situations) you should protect yourself from, but not everyone you meet. A closed heart takes a lot of (negative) energy to maintain. It’s draining. You’re constantly on guard waiting trouble, waiting for someone to try to step on your toes. Your life becomes dictated by painful past events to the detriment of your present moments.

Plus a closed heart means you treat yourself with less love, trust and compassion too. You end up being incredibly hard on yourself.

A closed heart = negative energy

A closed heart has also soaked up the bad energy from the memories you replay over and over about the betrayal or rejection or pain inflicted upon you. You literally lock that pain inside your heart, thinking you are protecting yourself when really you are hurting yourself.

The only way to solve that problem – and let go of your pain – is to open your heart.

How to open your heart

Read more

10 powerful relationship mantras – free e-booklet

Would you like a simple technique that has the power to not only improve your relationship with your partner and loved ones, but also strengthen your self-esteem and wellbeing?

Then this free e-booklet containing 10 life-changing mantras is for you.

What is a mantra?

A mantra is a phrase or word that is repeated regularly to focus the mind. It states a belief and can be used like an affirmation – a positive, loving inner voice that helps to prevent negative self-talk.

We all have a “monkey mind” that jumps from one thought to another and sometimes feels like it’s racing at 100 mph. A mantra is a great way to calm the mind down.

An illustrated e-booklet of especially-chosen relationship mantras

In our busy lives (and monkey minds), we can often lose sight of the things that matter most – our relationships with our loved ones, and ourselves.

I wanted a simple and effective way to re-centre myself and remember how important my relationships are to me, as well as strengthen my self-esteem.

Heartfulness meditation helps me a lot, but I also wanted something I could do anywhere and quickly. So, I set about writing down and using some mantras.

The mantras in this e-booklet are my top 10 personal favourites and, in my opinion, the most powerful. They’ve made such a positive difference to my life that I’ll never stop using them.

Each of the mantras is illustrated with one of my paintings and has accompanying text explaining the mantra’s importance and relevance.

Try them for yourself and feel the difference

Mantras are meant to be used regularly in order to work best. But luckily, you can use them anywhere and they take only a little time. You don’t even need to say them aloud.

So try the 10 powerful relationship mantras for yourself and tell me what you think – just click on the box below.

Perhaps you have some favourite relationship mantras of your own? If you have, I’d love to hear from you.

PS. When you sign up for your mantras, you’ll also get 25% off your first purchase in my web shop plus a regular-ish newsletter. Your contact details will, hand on heart, always remain private and won’t be shared with anyone else. That’s a promise.

Love alone does not make a good relationship

love alone is not enough - k.j. hutchings

There’s seems to be an enduring romantic notion that good relationships just happen and you don’t need to work at them.

That love alone should be enough to make things work. That a good relationship should be effortless and any signs of trouble mean the relationship isn’t worth saving because it’s not “right” and so the only option is to end it and search for the truly perfect relationship.

There is no perfect relationship

Most of us know deep down the notion of perfection is wrong, and that all relationships need nurturing. We know there is no perfect relationship because we are not perfect. Even couples who consider themselves ‘soul mates’ need to work at it.

We’re different to our partner in many ways, we have different views. We can’t read their minds (thank goodness), we all carry around a lot of emotional baggage, and have hang ups and faults…

Read more

Never struggle to make someone love you

Never struggle to make someone love you - K.J. Hutchings

Never, ever struggle and strive to make someone love you.

If you have to force it, it’s not worth having. That sort of “love” is unlikely to last the long term and unlikely to do you any good in the meantime.

Bow out and find someone who sees your worth and knows without a doubt you are loveable, and wants to be with you.

And never forget to love yourself first. Self-love isn’t selfish!

Struggling to make someone fall in love with you is the quickest way to fall out of love with yourself.